i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
