There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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