How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
