Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
