I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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