Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
