i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
