and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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