i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this boner is exhausting
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
