There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
