My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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