Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
that's an acceptable place to lick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
