Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
