I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So much Jack, so little girl.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
