now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
