Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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