Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
