Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i think my cat just said my name.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?