He kissed a someone with a penis
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
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I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is