let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real