i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We are two peas in an std pod
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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