I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.