woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
