im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
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between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it