I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
