So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
