I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
