i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
