just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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