Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
