I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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