Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize