Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
