I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
