it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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