I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
