I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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