he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he thought i was a dude.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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