Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
