chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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