And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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