just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
