And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
