Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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