So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
