i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
