let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
