I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
