I accidentally burped into my bong.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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