I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
