the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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