you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
