I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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