Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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