angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
