Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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