You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
