Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize