pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
