That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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