no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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