is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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