I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
