Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
