just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
