i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
this hospital has no fireball
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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