My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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