The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
