fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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