I smell stomach acid.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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