after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?