I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation