That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??