Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.