She's JV to your varsity
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.