I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
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Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime