I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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