dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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