She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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