I want to make a zoo with you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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