I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
