One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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