watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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