U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
