VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
