What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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