dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
