my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
