so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
