i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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