Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
