didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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