How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you had me at cake vodka
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
