Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
